


Introspection

by StyxThanatos



Series: Somebody's Me [3]
Category: Mass Effect
Genre: Angst and Feels, F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-03-31
Updated: 2016-03-31
Packaged: 2018-05-30 07:01:37
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 921
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6413656
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/StyxThanatos/pseuds/StyxThanatos
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Shepard breaks down after talking to Kaidan in the hospital.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Introspection

**Author's Note:**

> This one was inspired by Enrique Iglesias' song "Tired of Being Sorry"

“I’m tired of being sorry!” Shepard screamed into her empty quarters. She picked up several things blindly from her desk and threw them across the room. “Maybe I was lonely but Garrus was there for me any time I needed him, always.” She screamed again in hurt and anger at what Kaidan had said in the hospital. Everything he'd said while laying there had brought what had been spoken on Horizon and on Mars to the front of her mind. 

He had been truly horrible on the colony, questioning her loyalty; calling her a traitor to the Alliance and then him. No matter what she had said his mind had been closed. The letter he’d sent after had been a bucket of cold water on her already shattered heart. It was as if he wanted to push the blade in deeper. Probably not intentionally her rational mind whispered. Garrus had been there through that, not as her lover but as her friend. He’d listened to her as she told him about the stolen hopes and dreams; sat with her as she drank herself into oblivion trying to drown the pain. He had wrapped his arms around her when she had cried like her soul was torn to pieces. Through it all he had been the one constant, no matter what she needed. When she had come out of the fog of betrayal she had looked at her best friend in a different light.

Mars had been more of the same. Kaidan kept insinuating that she was still with Cerberus. Picking at her until James had stepped in. When they found that trooper, asked if they had turned her into a fancy husk. He even tried to say he had followed her into hell. Shepard scoffed out loud as that crossed her mind. The implication that he had actually been there when she needed him was such bullshit. As long as it hadn’t affected his career or disrupted his view of the galaxy, sure. She’d just barely managed to keep her temper and continue with the mission. Then that robot had nearly killed Kaidan before she could really talk to him.

Then there were the things he had brought up in the hospital. All she had wanted to do was to make sure he was okay; even with their past she still considered him a friend, a part of her crew. He couldn’t just accept that, he had apologized for not believing her, and then tried to rekindle the flame. Through it all he had talked as if she was the one who had done something wrong. Shepard shook with anger at the memory.

_That he wanted to get back together with her and he forgave her._

_As if she should have just pined away after Horizon, waiting for him to come take her back._

_As if she had cheated on him by loving Garrus._

That last thought gave her pause. She loved Garrus and didn’t want to lose him. She felt her heart skip a beat. He was right there, as always, filling up her heart and soul.

She knew she wasn’t in love with Kaidan anymore, a part of her whispered that she hadn’t ever been but the old hurts were still there, whispering all her faults and mistakes in her ear, making a wreck of her and what she had built up. Damn that man!

Garrus had been with her since the beginning of this crazy mess and had never questioned her loyalty; her sanity on several occasions, but not her loyalty to her species or the galaxy she thought wryly. The things he’d done over the years came fully into focus. Thinking on that, she wondered how long he had been in love with her. When had she fallen in love with him? It had morphed from comrades to friends to lovers slowly, however she could remember the exact moment her heart had whispered love.

_She had entered the main battery to invite Garrus to get some dinner. Someone had to ensure he ate, he would often get wrapped up in his calibrations excluding everything else even sustenance. He was standing in his usual position doing something on the main gun trying to increase efficiency for the battle with the Collectors. Standing there watching him do everything in his power to ensure the Normandy was in top shape, her heart had missed a beat. Staring at his back she felt like she had come home. What was home for a soldier? Her mind and heart whispered this one…_

Shepard came back to the present, wiped the angry tears from her face and glanced about her room eyeing the damage her fit had caused. A broken glass, some requisition orders but nothing major. Good thing too or EDI would be sending in the white coats. As crazy as she felt sometimes, she didn’t think she was ready for a straight jacket just yet.

Her door chimed and she looked up to see Garrus entering, his body language showing his hesitancy. 

“You okay Shepard?” He asked his flanged voice washing over as he stopped inches from her. “You want to talk about it?”

“It’s really nothing. I’m okay now.” She smiled up at him tears shimmering in her eyes; different than the ones before. Her arms lifted to wrap around his keel, hugging tightly. Kaidan had no hold over her any longer. Her rock was here to make sure she stood against the coming storm.

Home, she was finally home.

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading :)  
> Kudos, comments and critiques are always welcome!


End file.
